Akatsuki's Haunted House
by KiTtYKaT121092
Summary: When Pein decided it was vacation time for the Akatsuki, rented a big sweet house for them to stay in and enjoy themselves, seemed trouble-free and harmless, right? Well, tell that to the evil spirits that live in the house and plot to terrorize everyone who dares to enter their home! Trapped in the house, will these criminals make it out alive or will they simply soil themselves?


***Note: Hello! I've got a new story for everyone! I hope you like it! Also, please review it! I would really like to know how it went for everyone so I can continue to write more chapters! :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuden! Belongs to Masashi Kishimoto! So there! Enjoy :)***

*Chapter 1: Vacation Time*

"Alright everyone, gather at the table," Pein, the leader of the Notorious Akatsuki, summoned all the members to a meeting he had planned for the day.

One by one, the rest of the group casually walked in a single file line inside a giant, dark and dull meeting room there at the Akatsuki Hideout in the Village Hidden in the Rain, remaining silent and to themselves, except for Deidara and Sasori, who were bickering about the true meaning of art. Those two never shut up about art. As everyone gathered in the room, each of them walked up to a chair on the edges of the table, pulled them out and sat down like they were preparing for school, with Konan, the only female of the group, sitting right next to Pein, since she was basically second in command.

Once everybody was seated, Pein scanned the room to check if everything seemed normal, hoping there were no surprises.

"Okay. Now that you all have arrived, it's time for me to check roll call," he said as he took the brown clipboard from the surface of the table, grabbed the red ballpoint pen that was next to it and started from the top of the paper, which contained a list of the Akatsuki members' names, including his, just in case something happened to him, which he doubted a lot.

Everyone in the room groaned from the thought of having to go over roll call. Pein and Konan never knew why the rest of the members disliked it so much, but Pein didn't care about how they felt. He believed it was a necessary procedure. Plus, whatever made Pein happy was all that mattered to him, whether anyone liked it or not.

"Why the fuck do we need to do roll call all the fucking time? You know we're always fucking here," the easily irritated Hidan complained as he pinched the arch of his nose.

"It is a required procedure that I, the leader and God, decided because one of you idiots or even all of you idiots might die someday, so I keep a list of all the members so we can keep track of who is still around at the beginning and the end of each day. Now if you would all please remain quiet and listen out for your names. Konan, you read the list," he gave Konan the clipboard and sat down fast in his big and cozy black chair.

She was puzzled by his decision to leave the roll call sheet in her care instead of his.

"Why aren't you going to do it anymore, Pein?," she asked him with an arched eyebrow.

"Don't feel like it today," he answered as he first looked straight at the other members before glancing up at Konan, who stared at him disappointedly.

He showed no emotion as he looked up at her, wondering why she was taking so long to start taking roll call. He usually appeared emotionless, so it was no surprise to Konan.

"What?," he asked her, sounding cool and rude at the same time.

"Nothing," she only answered lowly as she turned her attention to the clipboard and searched for the first name on the list, "Alright, Pein?"

"Obviously present," he said in a smarty tone.

She actually sneered as she drew a red checkmark right by his name furiously. She then moved down under his name.

"Well, I'm obviously here," she commented quietly to herself as she made another checkmark, "Itachi Uchiha."

"Present," the calm Uchiha said as he tapped the surface of the cool table with his fingers.

He didn't have his Sharingan activated at the moment, since he really didn't need to. It was just a simple meeting, he thought. Why would he want to waste his energy on a meeting, thought it didn't take up that much?

After Konan checked off his name, she prepared to call the next name on the list.

"Kisame Hoshigaki," she called calm and loud enough.

"I'm here Konan," the tall blue skinned man named Kisame informed as he raised his hand up.

"Alright," she said as she checked his name off.

"Can you just get this fucking over with faster?," Hidan whined.

"Patience Hidan. It's not like we have a lot of members," the tall masked dark man Kakuzu commented to his partner in crime.

"Well since it is clear you two are here, I'll have both your names checked off now," Konan told them sarcastically.

"Konan, they are not next on the list," Pein interrupted coldly.

She turned to face him quizzically before she had a chance to check off their names.

"Why does that matter Pein?," she questioned curiously.

"Because it is not proper to skip the other members' names to mark off the ones you've already notice. It is only fair that you call and mark them individually by the order of which the names are listed, thank you very much," Pein explained as he slammed his hand on the table, causing Konan to actually scold him.

"B-But that's not mandatory. Why can't I just silently mark off who's really here and get this over with?," Konan argued as she waved the pen around.

"Do it the right way. I will not repeat myself," Pein sternly commanded as he made direct eye contact with his right hand man, woman to be exact.

She let out a huge sigh of deep disappointment and focused back on the roll call, mumbling crude things under her breath. She couldn't argue with Pein any further. She never liked it and nor did the other members of Akatsuki, because they knew if Pein and Konan got serious about their verbal disputes, things will turn ugly and if they turned ugly, it will blossom into pure and great chaos. No one likes to clean up after them, if they survive.

Suddenly, a short, dry and gassy fart noise sounded off from somewhere in the meeting room while Konan was about to spit out the next name on the roll call. Everyone was on alert, even Pein, glancing at each other and trying to figure out who made the noise. Pein did not seem too pleased with it. He sat up straight in his chair and glowered at everyone with his dull Rinnegan eyes.

"Who did that?," he questioned in a demanding tone.

He darted his eyes towards Deidara first, ready to accuse him of letting go of some flatulence during the meeting, though it hadn't really started yet. Deidara jolted in his seat as his leader was giving a death stare towards him.

"I didn't do it Leader! I swear! Hmm," he said waving his arms dismissively.

When Pein believed him by the pathetic and innocent vibes he was giving off as he shook his head, he moved his attention to Sasori next, wondering what answer he would give him.

"Don't look at me, I'm all wood," Sasori told him as he was fidgeting with one of his puppets.

"Sasori, what did I tell you about having your puppets at the meeting table?," Pein asked him.

Sasori paused and looked over at his leader with an eyebrow cocked.

"To not to?," he answered questionably, though he knew he already said the answer.

"That's right, now go and put it up. We have a meeting to pay attention to," Pein demanded him.

"But we're only doing roll call for now. Why can't I work on my puppets until you're finished?"

"Because I said so. Go to your room and put it up now, mister," Pein commanded him emotionlessly.

Sasori swiftly rose from his seat irritably with the puppet in hand as he glared at Pein.

"You're not my father!," he shouted as he headed for the door in haste.

"And make sure you come back!," Pein yelled as they heard the door slam.

Konan looked over at Pein as she narrowed her eyes. He scrolled his eyes to the side to spot her staring at him peculiarly.

"Why are you so unreasonable Pein?," she wondered, though she seemed like she understood the answer to that question.

"Because I can be unreasonable. Let's move on shall we?," He said as he sat back on his chair, eyeing the others in the room.

"I didn't even realize how sensitive Sasori can be. Hmm," Deidara mentioned.

Pein stopped and stared coldly at Dei once again, amused by his startled reaction behind that stone solid face expression. He then turned to focus on Itachi using the same look. When the Uchiha noticed the leader looking at him oddly, he remained as calm as he usually was and met his dark onyx eyes with his from across the table.

"You know I wouldn't disrespect this gathering with flatulence," Itachi said smoothly.

After several seconds of silence, Pein goes from being tense to relaxing more.

"Indeed," Pein added as he cleared his throat, "How about you Kisame? Did you fart a moment ago?"

"No sir. I agree with Itachi on this one."

Pein then left his focus on the two and turned his attention to the tangerine masked man who sat next to green with half black and white creature named Zetsu.

"Why did you do it Tobi?," Pein automatically assumed as he pointed his index finger at him.

"W-What? What did I do Mr. Leader?," Tobi harmlessly wondered.

"Don't play stupid. You know damn well what you did, now admit it," Pein ordered, sounding growly in his voice.

"T-Tobi doesn't understand what's going on! Tobi didn't do anything wrong!"

"I think he's telling the truth Pein," Kisame said.

"Kisame, please? This is between Tobi and I. He needs to admit to his faults and take responsibility for his actions," Pein claimed as he stuck out his hand towards Kisame's direction.

"Geez, alright. I'll bud out," Kisame stepped down.

"This is why I don't get involved in situations like this," Itachi commented.

"Can we just hurry up and get this meeting over with? I need to go back to my room and calculate the money I received from the last bounty I took out," Kakuzu grumbled.

"Tobi is a good boy! I swear," Tobi shouted frantically.

"I'm getting annoyed by just hearing his voice… Hmm," Deidara complained deeply.

"Did Sasori ever return? He's not coming back is he?," Kisame asked as he was scanning the entire room for him.

"**Who should we eat first?** Who should we be friends with first?," both black and white sides of Zetsu ranted on as he sat back, ignoring everyone else arguing and blabbing about rubbish.

"Pein, this isn't going well. What should we do?," Konan questioned Pein as the members began to sound louder as their bickering increased.

As the Akatsuki became louder and louder every minute that passed, Pein became more and more frustrated that he felt like he was developing a migraine. His gritted his teeth together, grinding them against each other using the muscles of his jaws to pressure them. He thought it felt like someone was scratching their nails against a chalkboard, causing him to wince. He grabbed the sides of his head, covering his ears while rubbing the temples of his head from stress. He couldn't take it anymore. He was sick of their crap and was about to finally explode like Deidara's clay bombs.

As he was opened his mouth and was about to shout to the other members to shut up, Hidan stood up swiftly and slammed his fists against the table.

"It was me god damn it!," he exclaimed irritably.

All members peered at him skeptically. They all paused in the positions they left off while they were nagging at each other. Pein seemed rather interested in what he meant and appeared as the calmest out of all of them, besides Itachi. He scooted in his chair and intertwined his fingers over the table.

"Hidan. What did you do?," Pein quizzed him as coolly as usual.

"I fucking farted okay?! I let out gas as a fucking joke and all of you acted fucking nuts over it! Happy now, you pieces of shit?! I admitted it," he yelled as he pointed out to everyone angrily, panting afterwards.

Unexpectedly, Pein clapped a few times, in congratulating Hidan for telling the truth, which came off weird to the rest of the group, especially to Konan.

"Bravo Hidan, bravo," he said sarcastically.

"What the fuck?," Hidan said questionably.

"You told the truth. I am proud of you," Pein said with a small grin.

"Is he serious?," Konan thought in her mind.

"Yeah well, do I earn something for being good?," Hidan asked as if he was going to receive a reward from his leader.

"Yes you do," Pein said, leaving Konan baffled by his choice of words, "You get the privilege to sit back down and wait for the meeting to finish."

"What the fuck?! What kind of reward is that?," Hidan complained.

"Don't worry, you'll get a good star on your column on the chart later," Pein added with a wink, thinking it will please him.

Hidan mumbled curse words under his breath as he sat back in his seat. Everyone else stayed silent in their chairs, waiting for their leader to make the next action for their meeting. They were unsure of what to expect from Pein, especially after what he pulled verbally that day, but they waited patiently, hoping nothing negative headed their way.

"Anyways, since you all have once again ruined the simple procedure of roll call for the fourth time in a row, we will have to skip that for now, assuming everyone was indeed present to go straight to the main reason I have summoned you all here," Pein explained as he stood up.

Konan placed the clipboard back on the table and sat down in her chair, pondering what he'll tell them. She wasn't even aware of why he called for the meeting, so she was sure it would come to her as a surprise.

"After much thought and careful consideration, I've decided since you all have worked so hard on your previous missions lately, why not kick back and relax? So I have chosen that we all shall go on vacation," Pein announced as he rubbed his hands together and caused friction.

Everyone's faces brightened up big, appearing happier than a child who just received their desired present from Santa Claus on Christmas morning. With a hint of shock, the Akatsuki were very delighted to hear the news. They spoke to each other in whispers like as if Pein wasn't even in the room with them, which sometimes annoyed him. The door flung open, slamming against the wall with Sasori bursting in with a bewildered expression on his face.

"Did you say vacation?," he questioned loudly.

Pein nodded a yes towards him with a straight face. Then after a few seconds of trying to register all that sudden information in his mind, Sasori slowly made his way back to his chair right next to Deidara, curious about this little event Pein had barely planned for their group.

"Now that I have all of your attention, we must discuss the preparations for the trip," Pein told them.

Before he could continue his discussion with his fellow members, the extremely excited Tobi threw his hand up and waved it crazily to get his attention, like a kindergartener ready to answer a question to a math lesson. With notice, Pein sighed heavily of disbelief and stared at him blankly.

"What is it Tobi?," Pein asked annoyed.

"Where are we going Mr. Pein?! Tobi wants to know! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!," he went on and on and on, beginning to irritate the other members at the table, mainly Deidara and Sasori.

It sounded quite excruciating for most of the members, having to listen to his annoying voice repeating over and over and over. It was giving them a giant migraine. Tobi was like a loud toy that wouldn't shut up for anything and everyone wanted to kill him already, especially Pein. But he learned self-control and was willing to find an alternative to silencing him once and for all. He turned to look at Kakuzu, nodding towards him so he could catch the signal he meant to send. When Kakuzu understood automatically, he raised his right arm up quickly and launched it across the table like a torpedo, knocking Tobi out of his chair backwards, shutting him up for good.

"It's about fucking time!," Hidan groaned loudly.

"I wonder why I hadn't done that sooner. Maybe I should try it on you someday," Kakuzu mentioned directly towards his partner and he retracted his arm back into place.

"Yeah right! Whatever Kakuzu," Hidan pouted.

"Thank god you shut his trap. Hmm," Deidara commented lowly.

"Thank you Kakuzu. Now, as for my answer on where we are heading, I will leave Kakuzu in charge of the location, since he is our treasurer and already is in charge of our expenses. There will be no complaining once we have finalized our vacation spot, so you all better suck it up wherever we go. Understood?," Pein informed them as he placed his hands behind his back.

The rest of the members, even Konan nodded their heads in agreement quietly. Once he noticed that everyone was in agreement, he sighed lightly to himself and focused his view of each member, observing every one of their face expressions.

"Very well then. I will give you more details on the vacation once Kakuzu has made the arrangements. I hope each and every one of you will enjoy this because once it is over, we will go straight back to our endless life risking hardcore duties as S-Ranked criminals, is that clear?," Pein warned them sternly.

With a few gulps being sounded, they all agreed by nodding their heads lightly towards their leader. Aware that all the members have approved, Pein closed his eyes gently shut, inhaling deeply and exhaling the same amount.

Suddenly, a long wet and very loud fart noise went off in the room, alarming the members and causing Pein's eyes to fly open promptly. The noise went on for almost two minutes, making stops along the way, which disgusted some of the members. Tobi had yet to awaken from unconsciousness, Zetsu seemed to not notice, since he was too bust talking silently to himself, Itachi and Kisame glanced at each other questionably, Hidan chuckled to himself while Kakuzu glowered over him, Deidara flared his nose of disgust while Sasori shook his head of disappointment, Konan sat there greatly surprised while Pein became very displeased. Once the noise finally stopped after a short poot, Pein's first reaction was to dart at Hidan, who still was snickering in his seat.

"Hidan, did you do it again?," Pein questioned him angrily.

"I swear to Lord Jashin I didn't do it this time, but whoever did is fucking funny!," he said as he continued to laugh.

"This isn't a laughing matter anymore. Who did it? Speak now," Pein ordered everyone in the room.

So far, all the members remained silent in their chairs, glancing at each other to see who would answer, but no one even bothered, which maddened Pein. He didn't like liars.

"I'm going to ask one more time, and if you do not admit it, all will be severely punished. Who di-!," he was interrupted by Konan when she carefully raised her arm up.

"Sorry…," she softly said and she winced a little.

Pein was confused by her apology, mainly in disbelief.

"For what?," Pein wondered with a shifted eyebrow.

She pursed her soft lips before she slightly opened her mouth to speak again.

"I did it this time. I couldn't hold it in any longer and that food we ate earlier wasn't sitting right in my stomach. Sorry," she explained with another apology as she lowered her hand.

The shocked Pein continued to stare at her with yet a blank face, with no more words to say about the situation. The room was now awkwardly quiet.

"I knew girls could fucking fart! I just knew it!," Hidan exclaimed out of his seat, leaving everyone else in great skepticism.

***End of Chapter 1! I hope you enjoyed it so far! Review, review REVIEW! :P***


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